


priority

by chrkrose



Series: constant. [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But j/c relationship is still fucked up, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mild Smut, No Incest, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:41:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21589291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrkrose/pseuds/chrkrose
Summary: Something inside of her tells her, over and over again, that this is the best she can ask for.So she accepts she can only have him for a bit, a few hours of the day, a few days of the week, but at some point he will be gone again.Back to her.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: constant. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555945
Comments: 20
Kudos: 239





	priority

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore the context of Jaime having an unhealthy relationship with Cersei with the incest element removed from it. Which is actually pretty easy because all in all, within the context of ASOIAF, the incest part of their relationship is the less of all evils.
> 
> Please be mindful of the tags. 
> 
> tw: referenced self harm  
> tw: referenced suicide

She was halfway through an episode of Brooklyn 99 when her phone buzzed beside her, a string of texts lightning the screen.

Jaime L. 

_ hey _

Jaime L.

_ are u home? _

Jaime L. 

_ wanna see u. _

Brienne’s heart clenches at those words. She wants to see him. Wants to feel his skin against hers. Wants to hear his voice. 

Jaime L. 

_ can I come over? _

In the end, she’s too weak.

Brienne

_ I’m home.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He spends the weekend and it feels like nothing is wrong. They fuck all over her apartment.

On the couch when he arrives 

(She rides him until he’s panting against the skin of her breast, arms wrapped tightly around her.  _ You were made for this wench. Fuck you feel so good.) _

On her kitchen counter before dinner

(He has her legs wrapped around him, balancing her on the edge. When he enters her, she gasps, the feel of him filling her the most perfect thing.  _ Look at me. I wanna see your face when I fuck you Brienne. I want your eyes on me). _

In the shower before she gets ready for bed. 

( _ This is not gonna work Jaime. _ He grows playfully against the skin of her neck, licking and sucking a bruise there before kissing her mouth again.  _ I’m strong enough wench. Trust me.  _ He thrusts his finger inside of her, and she shudders.  _ So wet for me. So tight for me.) _

They talk and they laugh and he falls asleep on her lap when they watch a movie Saturday night and when he wakes up, he kneels in front of her and spreads her open in front of him, kissing and licking and sucking on her cunt until she screams his name.

( _ Jaime… Jaime I can’t.  _ She pants, even though her hips move against him. He moves his finger again, fucks her with his tongue while thrusting his finger inside once more.  _ You can. Come for me again Brienne. I wanna taste you again. I wanna...I can’t get enough. Please.  _ And then sucks her clit in his mouth. She shatters).

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s Sunday morning when the inevitable call comes.

Cersei.

Yelling and crying and pleading and threatening on the other side of the line. 

And he leaves once more.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She knows Cersei needs help. She knew even before Jaime himself realized it. And never, never she would judge him for trying to be there. She’s his sister. 

Something inside of her tells her, over and over again, that this is the best she can ask for. 

So she accepts she can only have him for a bit, a few hours of the day, a few days of the week, but at some point he will be gone again. 

Back to her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It all comes to an end on his birthday.

She calls Tyrion and Addam, and asks Margaery and Sansa to help her with the surprise. Sandor even drops by, even though Brienne thinks he’s here more for Sansa than Jaime himself.

It doesn’t matter. 

When Jaime steps inside her apartment, and they all yell “surprise”, the smile on his face is something out of a dream.

He walks to where she is standing in front of the others, kissing her hard in front of everyone, Addam and Tyrion whistling when it goes for longer than the sociable acceptable. When she breaks the kiss, blushing and smiling, he grabs her face in his hand and kisses her some more. 

  
  
  
  
  


They are still halfway through dinner, Jaime laughing hard at something Tyrion said, Brienne checking the desert so it won’t burn while they eat, when his phone rings again.

She knows even before she sees his face.

He takes the call, listens. 

_ “I’ll be right there”.  _ He tells Cersei on the other side of the phone. Hangs up.

_ “Guys, I have to go” _ he says to everyone else on the table. Brienne doesn’t look at him, stares at her plate instead.

_ “Brother-“  _ Tyrion starts but whatever he sees in Jaime’s face, he gives up before he can finish.

_ “I’m so sorry. Save me some of the desert, is my birthday and I want to eat it later when I get back”. _

Sandor tells him to fuck off, he’ll eat as much as he wants to and Jaime laughs again.

And then.

_ “Wench?” _

Until that point she hasn’t looked at him once. She doesn’t realize that until she lifts her eyes from her plate.

_ “Can you come with me to the door?” _

Brienne stands up, walking past him and leaving everyone to their diner while she goes to the living room, Jaime following close behind. 

She goes to open the door before he touches her shoulder, wrapping his hand around it and turning her to face him.

_ “I… I loved it. I love you. I’ll be back later. Tonight. I promise” _

She stares at him, his green eyes searching her face. His prosthetic comes to rest on her left shoulder while his hand leaves her right one, stopping first on her neck and then cupping her face.

It’s when he leans in to kiss her that she finally understands.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what she does, who she is. It doesn’t matter that she loves him with all her heart. It doesn’t matter that she chooses to keep doing so.

She steps back, hand reaching for the doorknob and opening it behind her.

_ “Just go Jaime.”  _ She says, tired.

_ “Brienne”  _ she doesn’t look at him, but his voice sounds scared. Almost panicked. 

_ “We’ll talk later. I need to go back to your party” _ she says, and sides step him, going back to her kitchen. She hears the door closing while she sits down on the table again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He doesn’t come back that night.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s two days later when he knocks on her door again.

They sit on her couch, silent for a long time, until she finally gathers all the courage she doesn’t have and says:

_ “I think it’s best if we stop seeing each other” _

_ “That’s what we’re doing? “Seeing each other”? It’s that how you call it?” _

_ “How do you call it? Because this isn’t a relationship. It never was” _ she’s mad now.

_ “It is to me!”  _

_ “How? How is this a relationship Jaime? I never know when you’ll be around. I never know how long you will stay. We can’t make plans together. We can’t take a trip together. We can’t even watch a movie without me being at the edge of my seat thinking you might have to leave halfway through it.” _

_ “She’s my sister Brienne! What do you want me to do? To not answer her calls when she needs me? To leave her alone and have her doing something stupid? How will I live with that if something happens to her? Tell me, what would  _ you  _ do?” _

_ “She needs help Jaime! She needs someone who can help her get better, she needs someone who knows what they are doing! She doesn’t need you sacrificing your life for her! She needs professional help!” _

_ “She doesn’t want that! I can’t force her! She’s my family!”  _

It always comes to that. It always comes to the fact that she’s his family, his blood, and she’ll come first. No matter what. 

And Brienne, Brienne has no family that comes first to her. And she’s not anyone’s priority. Her mother, sisters, brother, father, all of them gone. She’s alone.

She’s alone.

_ “Brienne”  _ Jaime whispers, shifting closer to her on the couch and it’s only when he touches her face with his fingers that she realizes she’s crying. 

She flinches from him, stands up. 

_ “I can’t do this anymore” _

Jaime gets up at once, steps closer.

_ “Brienne, don’t do this. I love you. You know that. I love you.” _

_ “Please just…”  _ she turns her back to him  _ “just leave Jaime.” _

She can feel the air leaving him in a rush, as if he has been punched.

She waits until she hears the sound of the door closing behind him. That’s when she allows the sobs to break free.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s been a week without him and everyday she feels like a part of her is missing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Brienne never knows what hits her. She’s standing at the street corner, waiting for the light to go green so she can cross over, and the next second she’s flying, the buildings and the sky and the sun seem too close, and then everything is black.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first thing she feels is the hand wrapped around hers. The first thing she listens is the noise of the machine beside her.

She opens her eyes to a dim lit room, a room she doesn’t recognize.

_ “Wench?” _

She turns her eyes to where his voice comes from. He’s sitting on a chair beside her bed, and then he’s looming over her, his gaze searching all over her face before settling on her eyes again.

_ “Hey”  _ he says, and smiles. 

_ “Jaime”  _ her voice is hoarse from desuse.  _ “Where am I?”  _

_ “You’re in the hospital. You were hit by a car” _

Oh. She remembers now. Flying. 

_ “Hmm. Ok. Thanks” _

He chuckles, dropping his forehead to hers, and then kisses the crooked bridge of her nose. 

_ “How are you feeling?” _

_ “Like a truck ran over me” _

_ “Close to that wench”  _

She keeps staring at him while he holds her hand and she doesn’t remember falling asleep again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She gets a lot of visits. Margaery, Sansa, Addam, Tyrion, even Sandor and Olenna drop by. Through all of that, the only one who never leaves is Jaime. 

His phone never rings. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When he finally takes her back home, the first thing she notices is how cleaned her apartment is.

_ “Did someone come over?”  _ She asks.

_ “I paid so it would get cleaned every two days. Didn’t want you to come back to your place being all messy”  _ he answers while helping her to the couch. Her ribs and leg still hurt, and it’s going to be a while until she can go around on her own.

_ “Do you want to eat something? I asked Tyrion and Addam to go grocery shopping”. _

_ “No no, I’m fine. T-thanks Jaime”  _ she’s suddenly shy. She feels her cheeks growing warm.

She also feels like crying.

_ “Hey, what’s that about”  _ he notices, of course he does. He sits beside her on the couch, and drags her close until she’s in his arms, warm.

She feels like she can finally breathe. That makes her cry for real. How is she going to let him go again?

_ “I love you so much”  _ she says, voice cracking, but she doesn’t care.  _ “I… the week we… I-“ _

_ “Shhh. I know. I know sweetling”  _ he kisses her cheeks, cleaning her tears with his lips on her skin. Then he looks at her.  _ “I was gonna wait until you were better so we could talk. I didn’t want you to think I was here just because I want you back.” _

_ “I… I can’t go back to how it was Jaime. I..” _

_ “I know. And I would never ask you to”  _ he draws her closer, kisses her jaw and then her neck. Looks at her again.  _ “You were right. I didn’t… I didn’t want to see. I thought I could help her, I thought I could fix whatever was wrong. But you were right. I can’t. And I shouldn’t sacrifice anything for her. I did whatever I could. I’ll still do whatever I can, but I can’t sacrifice myself anymore. And I can’t stand hurting you. I’m so sorry. For the way I acted. For all the times I left. I’m sorry about my birthday. You’re so perfect. You’re so… I don’t deserve you. I don’t. But I want you anyway. So fucking much. If you don’t want to give me another chance, I understand. I’ll still be here everyday to help you until you kick me out, and then I’ll send Tyrion and Addam and whoever I need until you get better, and then I’ll try to win you over until you find someone else but please Brienne… please give me another chance.” _

She kisses him. It’s long, deep, the kind of kiss that makes something inside her curl, the kind of kiss that leaves them panting and gasping. 

_ “I love you”  _ she says against his mouth. He kisses her again, sucks her bottom lip inside his mouth, his tongue dancing with hers until she’s out of breath once more.

_ “I love you so fucking much. Wench, just… just never leave me.” _

They rearrange themselves on the couch until she’s resting her head against his chest.

_ “Jaime?”  _ She asks after a while.

_ “Hmm” _

_ “What… what made you realize? That I was right?” _

He’s silent for a long time, and she thinks he might not answer her question, but then he does.

_ “When Addam called me… and by the way wench, this is something we need to talk about, because you  _ will _ have my number as your emergency contact. I can’t believe they called the first person listed on your phone. Why wasn’t my number your emergency contact in case something happened to you? You are mine”. _

_ “I am?” _ She asks, surprised. 

_ “Of course you are. Why am I not yours?” _

She feels the blush on her cheeks.

_ “I just… I thought… I mean, you have Tyrion and…”  _ she doesn’t finish. 

He sighs, lifting her chin until she’s looking up at him. 

_ “You’re my family too Brienne. You’re my… everything really. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for you.”  _

She feels her eye filling with tears and she blinks a few times to try and hold them in. It doesn’t work.

_ “When Addam called”  _ Jaime says, his breath catching on his throat  _ “when he said what had happened, I lost my goddamn mind. I was at Cersei’s, and was about to leave. She was ok, stable as much as she could be. But when she listened to me asking Addam where was the hospital and that I was going right at that moment, she just… she lost it. She said I couldn’t leave, that she needed me, that I was her other half and I couldn’t just leave her alone like that. That nobody else mattered. She just…”  _ he shakes his head  _ “she threatened she would jump from the building, that she would grab a knife and… you know, the things she always says she’s going to do.” _

Brienne stares wide eyed at him. 

_ “Jaime, please tell me you didn’t leave her alone” _

He smirks, leaning down to kiss her brown and then the bridge of her nose.

_ “You’re too good you know that?”  _ He says, cradling her face in his palm.  _ “I called aunt Genna and explained what was going on, then dragged Cersei to the car and dropped her by Genna’s place. Then I left to go to the hospital”.  _

_ “And where is she right now? I… your phone. It hasn’t ringed once” _

_ “She’s at a clinic right now. Aunt Genna and her therapist, Dr. Pycelle, are keeping me up to date. And I blocked her number.” _

Brienne doesn’t know what to say to that. She feels so many things at once.

_ “I hope… I hope she gets better Jaime. I truly do”  _ and it’s true. 

_ “Me too. But it’s out of my hands. And I have other things in my mind I want to focus on right now” _

_ “Like what?” _

_ “What do you think about, after you fully recover, we go to Dorne? Or maybe go on an Essos tour. We could book that hotel in Pentos we talked about once, remember? Lock ourselves in our room for like a week.” _

_ “We could visit the Titan in Braavos?” _

_ “Yeah that would be nice too. I still like the hotel idea better though” _ he says, grinning.

_ “You wanna waste a whole week locked in a hotel room Jaime?” _

_ “Wench, we won’t  _ waste _ it. It’s never a waste if it involves you naked in a bed cuddling with me after we fucked three times in a row” _

_ “Three times in a row? I think I’m dating another Jaime, this never happened”. _

He laughs out loud, squeezes her tightly against him. His right arm is wrapped around her, his stump resting on the small of her back. He tangles his hand in her hair, and the kiss he gives her is filled with so much lust and desire she thinks she’s blushing all over.

_ “Oh wench, just wait until you get better.” _


End file.
